


Is There a Place for Me?

by thebureauisclosed (insibbegerest)



Series: Acing High School [5]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Acephobia, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asexuality, Demisexuality, Friendship, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Threats
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-20
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-07-16 06:57:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7256989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insibbegerest/pseuds/thebureauisclosed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eliza has to deal with haters and self-esteem issues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Is There a Place for Me?

It was 10 am. Eliza was all too aware of the fact that she was supposed to be at school, but she didn’t have the strength to drag her ass out of the bed. She felt heavy, every twitch exhausting her. She was being pathetic and she knew it, but she couldn’t help it.

 _This_ wasn’t a proper reason, was it? No, of course it wasn’t, that’s what they had been saying all along. They hated her, they all hated her, and rightly so.

She was a nobody undeserving of love and respect. She was nothing.

* * *

 

"Stop texting people and finish your goddamn lasagna before Mulligan arrives. You know no food is safe in his presence."

"Mhm," Alex nodded, but didn't bother to look up.

"I hope that was a 'yes John, I'll hide my cellphone immediately so that I could enjoy my tasty lasagna'."

Alex pointed at his plate and made a disgusted face, "You call this tasty? Have your taste buds died?"

"Eat. Now. Or I'll throw your cell out of the window." John Laurens was having none of his boyfriend's shit today.

"I had to work countless night shifts to be able to afford it, rich boy."

John snorted, "I don't know in which universe I'm a rich boy, but I'd love to live there."

"You're definitely richer than me."

"You have a point there. Is that why you're with me? You just want my money, don't you, you gold digger!"

"Definitely, I'm just waiting for the right moment to steal your wallet." Alex grinned. "Nah. If I was only after money, I'd date Jefferson or André, you know."

"Jefferson?" John pretended to puke. "Come on, you'd never stoop that low. André on the other hand... I'm sure the two of you would make a lovely pair. I know you used to have a crush on him."

Alex waved his hand dismissively, "It's André. Everyone in this school has had a crush on him."

"True." When he saw André for the first time, all John could think was 'fuck he is so pretty, how can someone be so pretty?' He wouldn't necessarily call his appreciation of André's face a crush, but he understood why the boy had never been short of suitors.

"But now I only have eyes for you," Alex winked at John, who couldn't help but laugh. How one person could make him feel so happy and loved, he didn't know, but it was probably the best thing that had ever happened to him.

"And for your phone," John said. "Who have you been talking to this whole time?"

"More like who I've been talking at. It's Eliza, she hasn't been responding to anyone's messages since last night and now she hasn't even gone to school. I'm kinda worried about her."

"I'm sure it's nothing serious... And not everyone reacts to messages within ten seconds like you," John smirked.

"She does, usually! Trust me, this is strange." Alex unconsciously began tapping his fingers on the table.

"Have you asked Angelica about it?"

"Haven't seen her today." The nervous tapping continued.

"Ah." John paused. "Do you want to go see her? Of course you do, I know you too well. Finish your lunch and we can drop by Eliza's place."

"Awesome! Do I really have to finish the lunch though?"

"Yes."

Alex sighed. "As you wish, Mother..." 

* * *

 

"Come out of that goddamn room and eat something," Angelica insisted, knocking on Eliza's door once again.

"I'm not hungry."

"Yes you are."

Angelica was right, as always, but Eliza wouldn't admit that. She slid her headphones over her ears and turned on the music, focusing on the melodies instead of Angelica's demands.

She should just delete those messages and act like she had never received them; instead, she had been reading through them again and again and each time she felt more terrified and sick. What was she supposed to do? Who should she confide in?

It was probably nothing. A terrible joke she'd been taking too seriously.

Unable to stop herself, she unlocked her iPhone and opened the conversation that had been haunting her dreams.

(3:48) Boobs_out: so you think ur special, huh

(3:48) Boobs_out: ?

(3:59) LadyEliza: Umm excuse me? Who are you and what are you talking about?

(4:01) Boobs_out: fucking special snowflake

(4:03) Boobs_out: thinking ur better than other people just because you don't wanna fuck everyone you see lmao

(4:03) Boobs_out: you just need a good lay

(4:11) LadyEliza:  What?? I don't think I'm better than other people because of my demisexuality and I DON'T JUST NEED A GOOD LAY, BYE

(4:13) Boobs_out: lol yes you do

(4:14) Boobs_out: what is your problem? someone raped you? your ex had a small dick? u didn't wanna suck him?

(4:16) LadyEliza: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU

(4:16) LadyEliza: STOP. THIS.

(4:18) Boobs_out: no i won't you frigid bitch lmao

(4:19) Boobs_out: not until you REALLY understand my point of view ;)

(4:23) LadyEliza: Please leave me alone

It had happened yesterday afternoon and Eliza hadn't gotten another message from him since then. She prayed she'd never hear from him again, but from what she knew, guys like this could be awfully resilient.

At first, Eliza had thought she would keep the incident to herself, so that her friends and family wouldn't have to get worried about her. She wasn't a baby, for Christ's sake, she could handle this on her own. Or maybe not entirely on her own, but she definitely wouldn't bother her loved ones.

Posting her story on the 'Eqaulity and Pride' group's Facebook wall had seemed like the reasonable thing to do – the group was full of people who didn't know her, but they'd surely understand her struggles and would give her some thoughtful words of advice.

 

 **Eliza Schuyler**  
Hello... So I'm ace spectrum and I got some really mean messages saying that I just need a good lay and that my identity is a joke... I don't know who sent them, but I'm scared... What if they keep harrassing me? What if they find me? Help :((

_—comments—_

**Dark Lord:** "ace spectrum" lol... is that what the hets call themselves nowadays?

 **Jimmy  Monroe:** Sadly, yes

 **Eliza Schuyler:** I don't even know what my romantic orientation is, but...  I think I might be pan, maybe? And I am definitely ace spectrum... so I'm NOT hetero

 **Dark Lord:** you think you might be pan? come back when you're sure!

 **Dark Lord:** i love it when the asexuals try to pretend they're queer

 **Eliza Schuyler:** Can anyone help me? Anyone who isn't a dick?

 **Charlotte Tealover:** Go to the asexual community for help... like, what happened to you sucks, but this isn't the place to talk about it

 

The comments had been an unpleasant surprise, to say the least. Eliza had wanted to slap herself; of course these people wouldn't have time for her petty problems. She didn't matter to them, she didn't matter to anyone, she shouldn't have presumed otherwise. Guilt began to wash over her.

Right, one of them had mentioned the asexual community... She should try her luck there.

 

 **Eliza Schuyler**  
Hello... So I'm ace spectrum and I got some really mean messages saying that I just need a good lay and that my identity is a joke... I don't know who sent them, but I'm scared... What if they keep harrassing me? What if they find me? Help :((

_—comments—_

**Louis King:** Hi everyone, pls check my youtube profile, I've just uploaded my first song! I'd like to become a famous indie guitarist one day, so pls gimme a shot! Subscribe if you like it! Thx

 **Sam Seabury:** the people on this page are hilarious... LET THE GUY FIND YOU, celibacy sucks! lol

 **Иван Смирнов:** привет, ты красивая))

 

 _Nothing._ The group was small, full of spammers and trolls and not a safe place by any means. Body trembling, eyes wet, heart beating... There and then, Eliza had realized she had nowhere to turn.

"Eliza!" Angelica's voice was louder than Within Temptation blasting at full volume, apparently. With a sigh, Eliza took out an earbud, wondering what tactic Angelica was about to use in yet another attempt to lure her out. "You have visitors. Alex and John would like to see you."

"I don't want to talk to anyone," Eliza protested. However, knowing Alex and John, they wouldn't give up easily, especially with a certain Angelica Schuyler on their side. Good thing Peggy was out with Martha, at least she couldn't take their side, too.

"Hey Eliza," Alex yelled through the locked door, "what's going on?"

"Nothing, Alex. I'm fine."

"Can we come in?"

"Well, I..."

Angelica said, "Not letting guests in is rude, sis."

Even if Eliza didn't let her friends in, they wouldn't just shut up and leave, it wasn't in their nature. They'd stay there and they'd keep pestering her until she'd be forced to raise the white flag. With a quiet sigh, Eliza turned the key and opened the door. "Hi..."

"Damn, you look like shit!" Alex said and then quickly corrected himself, "I mean, you're beautiful, but right now in this moment you look like shit."

"Thanks, you charmer," Eliza replied tiredly.

"Something happened. And don't say no, because I can tell, I don't remember you ever acting like this before."

Eliza felt torn. She was with friends, surely they wouldn't judge her, but... this was her problem and hers alone, why would she drag anyone else into it? "Nothing serious, you don't have to worry."

John put his hands on his hips. "Yes, we do have to worry! You look like you're about to  faint any minute now."

"Look, Eliza," Alex said, "if you really don't want to talk to us, we'll leave you alone, but you know you can trust us. We're here for you and we care about you and we'll help you no matter what this is all about."

Eliza had to blink away a tear. Suddenly her arms were wrapped around Alex. With her head buried in his shoulder, she whispered, "There's this one guy, I'm afraid he might hurt me but maybe I deserve it, maybe I'm really just a dumb attention whore, I am so alone, I feel like crap and I feel guilty for feeling like crap, I wish I was normal, I wish I could just disappear..."

"Whoa there, I know it must sound ridiculous coming from me, but... slow down? Let's start from the beginning, okay?" Alex said, his voice low and gentle.

John was frowning. "You don't deserve to get hurt and you're not dumb. Who is this guy and what did he do to you?"

"Do you want us to kill him?" Alex asked.

A small smile made its way onto Eliza's face; her friends' concern was touching. "He didn't do anything, at least not yet. I was looking for help, but... apparently I'm just overreacting and... you know what, see for yourself." She took a deep breath, pulled away from Alex and handed her iPhone to him. "Open the latest conversation."

Alex did, with John looking over his shoulder. Eliza observed as their expressions were slowly transforming from pensive to outraged.

"Dickhead is begging for my fist in his face!" Alex shouted, shortly followed by John's, "Fucking piece of shit!"

Then, it was again Alex speaking, "Can I borrow your iPhone for a sec?"

"You've... already borrowed it?" said Eliza, confused.

"No, I mean... can I make a call?"

He intended to talk to the 'dickhead', Eliza realized, internally panicking. Well of course he would, he was Alexander Hamilton; insulting people and making thing worse was what he excelled at, especially when he had John nearby to encourage him.

Eliza hesitated, "I... don't think that would be wise, Alex."  However, before she was even done talking, Alex had already been holding the phone to his ear and waiting for the call to be answered.

"Hey there, pisspot," he snapped. "You text Eliza one more time and I swear to God you're dead. Did you understand that or am I going too fast for your tiny little brain? I don't know who you are, but trust me, I'll find you if I have to and I'll kick your dick off, dance on your face and make you into a goulash. Got it?"

He then passed Eliza's iPhone over to John, who continued in the same vein, "There's nothing wrong with Eliza, but you obviously have more issues than Vogue. No one can choose or change their orientation, trust me, I'm a gay asexual guy and there were times I wanted nothing more than to be like others, but guess what? It's impossible, so I've learnt to accept myself and I'll do whatever I can to keep anyone from feeling as lost and fucked up as I used to. You've hurt my friend, and I don't forgive that kind of shit. So as Alex said before me – you speak to Eliza again and we'll find you. See you in hell, asshole." With that, he hung up.

Eliza's eyes couldn't possibly grow wider than they were in that moment. She was still scared, yes, but she burst out laughing nonetheless. Of course her friends had her back, how could she ever have doubted that?

* * *

 

(9:46) JLo: hey

(9:47) LadyEliza: You're awake? Before lunchtime??

(9:47) JLo: i'm afraid so

(9:48) JLo: it's alex's fault, he was calling me at 9

(9:49) LadyEliza:  What did he need?

(9:52) JLo: nothing actually... he said he just wanted to hear me

(9:52) LadyEliza: Aww that's sweet :)

(9:54) JLo: yeah, but it would be sweeter if he let me sleep at least until 11... lol

(9:56) JLo: so... has the creepy dude messaged you since thursday?

(9:58) LadyEliza: No, haven't heard from him :) Thank you so much for defending me, you have no idea how much it means to me

(10:02) JLo: don't mention it... that's what friends are for ;)

(10:04) LadyEliza: You know, before you two came to visit, I posted in some groups on FB and... well...

(10:04) LadyEliza: I'll send you the screenshots

_Sending files: ugh1.jpg, ugh2.jpg_

_Files sent_

(10:13) JLo: what the actual fuck

(10:15) JLo: give me a while and i'll link you to some active groups where people aren't total idiots, ok? and i'll send you some positivity posts and videos that helped me, too

(10:15) JLo: don't take the haters seriously

(10:16) LadyEliza: Okay... Thank you... <3

(10:16) JLo: no problem

(10:20) LadyEliza: Can I ask you something?

(10:22) JLo: yep, bring it on

(10:24) LadyEliza: So... Alex is 100% ok with you being ace?

(10:24) JLo: he is :)

(10:29) LadyEliza: And... uuhhh... sorry, this is awkward, but... do you two ever, well, you know...?

(10:33) JLo: no we don't 'you know'

(10:37) LadyEliza: I see... Sorry for being nosy, but sometimes I worry that no one will ever love me or want to be with me

(10:42) LadyEliza: I've never been sexually attracted to anyone, but I feel that I could, with the right person... if I knew them well enough and long enough and loved them and trusted them, you know... I hate being touched by people I'm not close to and I could never kiss a stranger, to me, all kinds of physical affection have to MEAN something... and I don't find people attractive in any way unless I know them and like their personality... Ugh idk, am I making any sense? :/

(10:47) JLo: of course you'll find someone who will love you the way you are... it's only a matter of time, you're kind and smart and pretty and you deserve the best ;) there's plenty of great people in the world and one day you'll definitely meet the right one for you

(10:48) JLo: or more than one if polyamory is your thing

(10:51) LadyEliza: Thank you! :) :*

 

"Eliza!" Peggy stormed into Eliza's bedroom without a word of warning. "I found this at the door, looks like it's for you!"

"Uh..." Suddenly, Eliza was on her own again, a handwritten note in one hand and a yellow rose in the other. After she had recovered from the surprising news her sister had brought her, Eliza took a look at the note and began to read.

_Dear Eliza,_

_I've heard about what happened to you and I'm sincerely sorry you've had to had that kind of an experience. I may not be as eloquent as Hamilton or as strong as Laurens, but I am a friend and I support you. Remember, you are never alone._

_PS: When I say I am a friend, I very much mean that, please don't think of this as a romantic gesture. No romo._

The ending made Eliza giggle. Carefully, she put the letter down, smelt the rose and went to put it in a vase. She had no idea who had sent it to her, but... she decided it didn't really matter.

After a long time, she finally felt safe, and not one bit alone.

 

**Author's Note:**

> For all my aro/ace spectrum readers - you are amazing and valid and worthy of love.  
> Thanks to my beta for helping me with this one! :)  
> (Kudos and comments are always welcome, btw! Hehehe)


End file.
